What Has Happened On Last 2 1/2 Months...

So what has happen to me on these last months? Well, like I already said nothing much, but still something important and not so important. In general more good things that bad things. Lots of annoying things. So let's start shall we...

First of all I haven't found my internship place yet. I probably have send more that hundred(!!!) applications, but no luck for me. Of course one of the reasons is this economical climate. There really isn't much open places left in the IT field and also when there is, all the successful applicants are highly educated and have lots of work experience. And with my CV I cannot compete with them at all. It's a shame really, because 1 1/2 years ago, finding a place would being like walk in the park. Then there was lots of openings, but now the reality is that there is nothing for me. All this means that I will graduate much later that I was imagine. If I am very, very lucky I can get my degree in late May 2010. But that is not going to happen, unfortunately. But it looks that I can start to do my thesis on next week!!! So finally I will have something else to do than working my grip...

Second thing would be that, I have been hanging a lot with my friends. Well, with those few who I still have here. It has been very nice indeed. It also has meant that I have been hanging in the bars and nightclubs more often I should have. Like you probably already know that I'm not keen to visit nightclubs, but well it can and have been pretty fun sometimes. I have slipped and had a fairly good amount of sleepovers because of that. But those have left me feeling pretty OK about myself. Thank god for that, because I was very worried that I would start downward spiraling again because of that. But never happened.

It actually has been funny to noticed now when my self-confidence is very, very high. It haven't been high in ages. And I also have been working out in five times per week, which means that, finally my body starts to looks good as well (but still there is a lot of work to be done). That girls really dig me. I haven't ever been this popular with the ladies. And I have to say it feels good. Nowadays girls are also coming to hit on me and I can see and feel that they really like me (well, my looks anyway...). It is very nice feeling to have, feel to be wanted. Unfortunately, even more of girls and guys thinks that I'm gay. Well, usually in Finland people think that you are gay if you like to dress up well. So it's not a problem... And actually it's a great chat opener with girls and in the end they have noticed that I'm not gay...

The third thing is, like I already said, that I have been working out a lot and it have started to show. Which is very nice to know... Because I remember when I started about 2 1/2 years, 22 kilos and 6 sizes ago that I want my body to look good and well. Finally I am starting to be near. It feels good and gives me a lot of energy to see this through. I still have some fat left, but it doesn't show that much anymore. Maybe in the year I will get these last few kilos of fat off and finally I would have that six-pack too. I'm not try to get all the fat off, but most of it. I have been working out 3 1/2 hours per day and 5 times per week. These include running exercise, weight training and finally stretching. So I am in pretty fine shape at the moment and I try to keep up with this training schedule. If and when I get my internship place, I was planning to do only 4 day per week schedule, with 2 hour training per day. I think that's enough then... But in the end, I will get my fat off sooner or later... And get some muscle too...

I think here I told almost everything what I have been doing these last 2 1/2 months. So there was almost nothing to tell. Usually I had a boring days with maybe 5 hours of some kind of action, all the rest have gone either for sleep or working my grip, which by the way is starting to be really firm.

I am still very happy, even when I have realized a few things that haven't been so nice. Like I feel like I have started to drift apart from my family and from my few good friends. But actually I don't see that drifting apart from the family is necessary a bad thing, I am already 24 years old and I have my own life. We never have been very close anyway. I think that it's just one final necessary step what I need to take to really start my own life. Unfortunately my mother haven't yet understand it and probably never will. But the problem is more hers than mine.

Also my crush has come and gone and there is no new one in the horizon. Which is a shame. Because what I really miss and need is to have somebody to love. I want to give my love and affection to somebody. And it's more like a need for me. And also it would be finally nice to receive those ones too. It's a good thing that I finally understand that I cannot get that off the one-night-stands. That's probably why actually can do those again without losing it. But I really feel like I need to start somewhere else from the clean table, maybe then I would find somebody by coincidence and have some peace in my life. Like they say, patience is a virtue and I have it. Someday I will find what I'm looking for and so will she.

I finally get it, why I'm writing so personal blog. Many thinks that this is so stupid and it probably is. But it makes me happy and helps me get my thoughts in order. I now see how liberating this is for me. I did come down a bit in these 2 1/2 months, but now I started to write my thoughts again to my blog and I feel fine and happier. This seems to be channel to tell things that I really want to tell for people, but when I am in face-to-face conversation with a person, I cannot say these. But here I can and it's just so liberating for me. I am very private person, even if it doesn't seem that way right now. But I am also honest and I have seen that this helps me, so I would be stupid not to do this. I will do everything that helps me to keep happy, it really is worth it. And anyway there is only a few people reading this blog... hehe...

I think this is the end of this post. Now I will start again to keep pace with my posts. I was thinking about 2 to 4 post per week... I hope you can handle it! And next few posts will not be about me, but about my opinions of different sensitive topics. Like you all know, I have some harsh opinions to tell!!!