About My Sex Life... (I Know This Is Stupid)

Okay, this will be awkward. So now my head is again sober and can see things clearly. This means that I have been seeing things that I haven't seen in the long time. And because now I know who I really am and I like the guy how is looking me from the mirror. I have seen myself doing ugly stuff at the past, what I couldn't do anymore. I have really high morale and a long time I did ignored it. That make me depressed and hate myself. Well, it was one of the million reasons, but still... And yes, I'm talking about one night stands.

I actually think (but not sure...) that many of my friends still think that I'm a virgin (well, 8 years ago was still was...), because I usually don't brag that I did have sex. Usually only thing that I say is, if somebody ask of me, I just say ""maybe". And yes, I have had my fair share of one night stands and usually my ex-girlfriends also had sex with me (and sometimes even with everyone else too...)

What I'm then talking about my high morale? Well, there is one thing that I'm not proud of. It is that my one night stand girls has usually been drunk. And that is something that my morale don't like. Weird isn't it? I really think that its wrong to go and have sex with somebody who is drunk and maybe don't even remember everything in the morning. I think, it's just wrong. I think its something doing how I was raised. I maybe respect women too much. Now well, that automatically means that now having sex is not that easy for me, there is a lots of challenge for me to get one night stand. But I will take the hard road, because I like to be myself again and doing things like my morale tells me to do. This is not optimal situation for a sex-addict, but well, who said life should be easy?

It's funny, because I'm now again myself, I'm very easy to read. So guys usually cock-block me instantly and girls in the clubs really don't appreciate my qualities. But there is always some girls who notice my qualities and like them a lot, and usually they are already married, hehe, just my luck. Like here in Bratislava that happened. But I think that they just see me like friend like person, not somebody who they would want to have sex or relationship. Well, when I was miserable, having sex was easy and now when I'm happy, its hard. Its just so weird.

But this all mean that I'm again looking a relationship. Now I'm myself again, so maybe I actually get lucky this time and find somebody who actually appreciate my qualities. There must be somebody like that in the world? Hopefully many, because I there's only one, she would be pretty hard to find... But well also my standards are high, so it might take a while. But one thing is sure, her nationality isn't English, German, Spanish, Belgian or Italian. That would be very unlikely. Girls in those countries are usually just too far away from my standards. But never say, never... And I didn't but Finnish girls in the list... Weird isn't it? after all this time...

And I haven't still get it, why I attract more older ladies (30yo+) and very young girls (13-17yo), but not much ladies at 20 to 29? Cannot understand... Yes, I look maybe 5 to 7 years younger than I am, but still... This is something I want to know. Is it my personality/qualities that older ladies like? And is my facial features that attract these teens? I really want the answers... And I'm not interested young girls... But older ladies are different thing... 20 to 45 goes for me... And please don't be moralizing me about this...

Well, for me this all means hard times, being a sex-addict and not having sex regularly. Oh well, I always have my right hand to easy my situation, hehe...