About myself & my doings, Part One (yes, I'm sure there will be more parts on this...)

Don't ever write things, when you are emotionally wreck!!! Because you will realize that what you write then, is not true. And you tend to hurt people you love, because you hate yourself...

Last week was hard for me. I did do and say things to people that I shouldn't had. I was maybe first time in my life really into the bottom. But in Saturday, something happened. I did see real myself in first time in a long, long time. Like many of you have noticed, I have been downward spiraling ages. The life I had have, could turn good man bad. And I was thinking that is happening to me too now. I was horrible to the people I love and I was doing that because I was thinking that I'm changing to a mean person, cold person... Like I was meant to do that. And I really don't remember when I was last time happy...

But like I said, Saturday did make me realize that I'm not changing anywhere, I was only thinking that. I am what I am and today I did look to the mirror and said to myself, I love you. It was first time in my life when I really did mean that. And it feel good. It made me happier person. It just so funny, that you have to do something horrible to someone else before you realize what you really are. And what you have done.

So who then I really am? Well, I'm a good person. I was starting to think that I'm a bad person and act like it. But really I am a good person, and this person is what you all will see now one... I'm kind, loving, unselfish, I usually think other people first and trusting. But also I'm very hard headed and a bit of an idiot sometimes, rude too, with my honesty. I'm also a lone wolf and shy. That is who I am. So not that bad person, as you all will see in the future.

When you are good at manipulate other persons, like me, there is a lot of dangerous things happening. Should I do that or not? and so on. But if you dwell of things too much, then there is a problem, you start to manipulate yourself. And that will make you lose your perspective on things. that did happen to me and badly.

Finally, I feel happy, I'm myself. Hatred of myself was keeping me away from happiness and of my real self, while I was hurting people I love. Now It's over. I'm free.

Next time I'm online in next Monday. I'm excited to see how this happiness will affect me!!!

And Finally, I'm very sorry and I apologize any wrong doings in my past. But I promise to make up those doings in the future. And all you will see that I will. I cannot take back what I've had done, but I can be better in the future!!!